What's there to say.

I've been putting off writing this entry for some time now. I falter every single time I see the post that precedes this one.

I'm no longer in love with you. I can say this now without hitting backspace. I can say it and not take it back, you see. I can't even say I need you. Not in whatever capacity.

Maybe I should cry while I write for maximum effect.

Now you know how it feels. To spend your life trying to fix things when the other won't cooperate.

Do you know how frustrated I was? I felt like I was shitting bricks. I think if I could have shat your thesis, I would have. You have to understand how unhappy I was, and how hard it is to forget how royally you fucked up. I'm no innocent. I could've been a better person, I know. But right now - and back then, I guess - all I was up to doing was punching you in the face.

You belong with her. Thank God you don't belong with me.

I think -

I think it's over.

This afternoon:

Loujaye asked.

Yes, we have. We have eaten at Jollibee. HAHAHA.

I love you Loujaye. In a totally non-gay way.

Hola 155.

I don't like you, which is strange because I've yet to talk to you. I realize you may or may not have paranoid schizophrenia with delusions of omnipotence and grandeur (HEAR THE ALIENS ATTEMPTING TO COMMUNICATE WITH YOU!), but that's really not your fault.

Pakyu 'te. Paparty ako pag natigok ka.

Cinematic attraction:

"Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love."

- (Einstein (year), as cited in Arciaga (year))

"You know when I said I knew little about love? That wasn’t true. I know a lot about love. I’ve seen it. I’ve seen centuries and centuries of it, and it was the only thing that made watching your world bearable. All those wars. Pain and lies. Hate… It made me want to turn away and never look down again. But to see the way that mankind loves… You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and… What I’m trying to say, Tristan, is… I think I love you. My heart… It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it doesn’t belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I’d wish for nothing in exchange. No gifts. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine."

- Neil Gaiman, Stardust

Because you asked.

For Louj, who knows which question this is meant to answer:

There are a lot of things I don't know how to respond to, but this might explain - at least partially - why it is that I stay.

This is insane.

Do you remember Livejournal and 3am conversations and love?

I like to think we're those conversations now.

Happy happy sunshine.

^_^ I miss you.